Health scare- post delivery

Coming home from the hospital, I knew something wasn't quite right. I felt "different" than I remember feeling after little man's birth. Something was "off" but I had to keep my focus on our new little bug. We cane home from the hospital on a Saturday and little did i know the crazy events that would put me right back in there on Wednesday. 

Little doodlebug loves to nurse. He nursed around the clock and I just chalked it up as having a baby with a crazy appetite that would surely turn to a chunk in no time. Tuesday we had a really hard time nursing. He would scream and acted like he was starving, but wouldn't latch on at all. I was beyond stressed at the sight of my poor baby screaming and had no clue what to do. He finally nursed and my nerves and body were shot. 

I woke up at 4am shaking uncontrollably and every nerve and muscle in my back felt as if they were ripped. I started crying and couldn't stop and felt as if i was freezing to death. I took a pain pill for my back {chalked it up as a result from the stressful nursing session we had earlier that day} and took a hot shower to warm up {thought i woke up cold do to those "post baby sweats" you get + high fan}. The shower calmed me down and I eventually fell back asleep. 

At 8:30am I got out of bed and grabbed Bug to join my mom and little man in the family room. I sat on the couch and just started crying hysterically. My body hurt so bad and I felt worse than I ever had my entire life. I  started shaking uncontrollably and freezing again. My body stiffened up so much that i felt as if i weighed 700lbs and I just knew for sure I was becoming paralyzed. Hyperventilating, I decided to take another pain pill and shower {as they worked before}. My mom is freaking out at this point and keeps asking if she should call Brian to come home from his first day back at work. I couldn't answer her due to crying and hyperventilating. 

In the shower things took a turn for the worse. I was shaking so hard I needed to sit down {we have a large shower with 2 benches to sit on} but I couldn't bend my legs. I held on to a shelf under the shower head for dear life as I was freezing/crying/hyperventilating. My mom came in every 5 seconds telling me that i was scaring her all the while my newborn needs to be fed {he was crying and hungry} and my little man was watching everything yelling "It's okay mommy, don't cry!" 

I started getting light headed and everything got blurry. My mom screamed "I am calling 911" to which i frustratingly answered "CALL THEM THEN!" I then started throwing up the water and pain pill I just took. At this point, I thought something is really wrong. Then I look down and see a huge blood clot that I had passed while throwing up. It was huge {about the size of a large hamburger patty-TMI
, I know} and all I could think about was the manuals they give you upon discharging you from the hospital. The tons of red flags that scream, "If you pass a blood clot bigger than a golf ball, run to the emergency room!" I just knew I was surely dying now. The paramedics were now in the bathroom telling me that i had to get out of the shower. I was freezing though and told them that I just couldn't. My mom went and grabbed my comforter off of my bed and  wrapped me up in it to warm me up. I tried to walk to the couch while they went and got the stretcher, but I passed out on the couch throwing up. ---> did i mention that my 3yr old is watching all of this, my newborn is screaming to eat, and my mother is having a panic attack?

I finally get into the ambulance and am crying hysterically that my baby needs to eat. I ask them if I am dying about 100 times, to which they casually answer "you will be fine." 

Long story even longer, I get admitted to the hospital by an ER doctor that gives me a speech in one of those "I am about to tell you that you are dying" tones, letting me know that there is a ton going on in my body- multiple infections- and he is concerned. He tells me that if I would have waited another hour, it could have been deadly. My blood was almost completely septic- they even came to retest it because they didn't believe the level of bacteria in my blood. I was sick-very very sick. 

Thanks to 4 IV's of the highest level of penicillin, my wonderful pastor Mark calming me down and reminding me of the Lord's words "Peace, be still." and a breast pump to keep my milk going while my wonderful friend Emily brought by some breast milk for little bug to eat- things were going to be OK. I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days with IV's pumping me full of penicillin to finally get better and beat the infection that was probably caused by breaking my water before delivery {happens in 1 out of 6 births}. The great news is I was admitted to labor and delivery and was able to have little bug up there with me the whole time. 

The best news? I am alive, God is faithful, and I have the greatest friends/family out there.